Nothing Left Unsaid
Yours Truly
Her name is Sabrina, and she is probably one of the laziest and emotionally closed off people you will ever meet. Don't judge her for it; she's a lot smarter than you can imagine and is fiercely loyal to her true friends. A new graduate who majored in law and hoping to
Words speak
Posso farle.
"Ambition is a wonderful thing-it can drive you, it can exhaust you, but if you look at it in a positive way it can be very productive."-Steven McRae.
"I like to think that while striving to improve, it is important to acknowledge at every stage along the way, when you have achieved something."-Steven McRae.
Carpe diem.
Obiter Dicta
Exits
My YouTube Channel
Sofeee Tu~
Gar-wie Tran~
Ray-shell Le~
Kee-vin Choi~
Positively Present
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Thursday, 22 August 2013 @ 4:10 am
'The reality of it is that society is all about looks and you're just not trying hard enough to be pretty so that more guys will notice you'
'What if I don't want guys to notice me just for my looks?'
'but it IS all about looks, you're losing out on many guys because you don't try enough, they don't find you attractive and therefore won't give you any attention, all they want is a girl who's good looking and that they can go out with and be proud of how they look. Why don't you get your eyelids done? It really would make you so much prettier! You won't get your pick of guys this way!'
I am in such a dark place right now. I can't stop crying.
I could be the 'ideal weight' and have my eyelids done and you'd still turn around to tell me that my hair is too frizzy or that my skin isn't clear, or that I should get laser eye surgery, or that my calves are too big or my hands and nails aren't dainty, or that I'm too tan, or that two of my teeth are too small compared to the others, or that I walk too 'manly', or that my lips are too thick. With everything that has happened lately, I've been trying to keep my head up and remind myself of my self worth but this exchange with my mother has really broken me. I don't know if it's because I'm sad that she has such a pathetic and warped way of thinking, or that I actually do loathe the way I look, after all, I've been told from a young age that everything I do is 'just not good enough'.
Maybe there really is a great deal of truth in what she says. Perhaps I should use the 21st year of my life to transform myself into what is conventionally attractive and acceptable to her standards, if I can't find my 'perfect' guy then, I can blame it all on her.
I know that appearances are the first thing that someone judges you on (as they don't 'see' your personality) but I just think that someone who'd overlook me because they don't think I'm attractive is then worth my time at all. I wouldn't try and convince them otherwise. I admit that attraction is partially based on looks, but it's not the only factor. I want someone to dig that little bit deeper, scratch the minimal surface, notice the fact that I'm caring, that I'm able to easily converse with others, that I have a great energy about me and ultimately, despite everything, I put my friends and family above all else. I'll do what I can to help anyone I can and I will be polite. Whether that's holding a door open, giving directions, helping a someone carry a pram up/down the stairs, thanking the bus driver, giving blood, responding to sales associates or smiling in my usual, overly carefree fashion at everyone I meet.
I should sleep. I have work. I'm not finished on this topic. I'll be back. This will be plaguing my mind for a long time, I can tell. No one else brings me down in such a distasteful fashion like my mother does. No one. I feel too vulnerable right now. I hope nothing comes for me in the near future, I'll cry-easily.
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