Nothing Left Unsaid
Yours Truly
Her name is Sabrina, and she is probably one of the laziest and emotionally closed off people you will ever meet. Don't judge her for it; she's a lot smarter than you can imagine and is fiercely loyal to her true friends. A new graduate who majored in law and hoping to
Words speak
Posso farle.
"Ambition is a wonderful thing-it can drive you, it can exhaust you, but if you look at it in a positive way it can be very productive."-Steven McRae.
"I like to think that while striving to improve, it is important to acknowledge at every stage along the way, when you have achieved something."-Steven McRae.
Carpe diem.
Obiter Dicta
Exits
My YouTube Channel
Sofeee Tu~
Gar-wie Tran~
Ray-shell Le~
Kee-vin Choi~
Positively Present
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Saturday, 4 September 2010 @ 2:04 am
... Tears streaming? Check. Love someone but it's gone to waste? Check. Could it be worse? To me, no-not really. Yes, I am too in love to let things go and I don't feel as if I'm worth anything. I can't remember the last time I genuinely had one of my trademark smiles. It's late and I have to be up early, but no matter how much I sleep, I still feel tired. Why is it so hard to let go? Why does it hurt so much? Is this what a break up felt like to those I dated before? Suddenly it's like I can relate to every single song I have on my iPod (partially anyway). I don't feel like doing anything. I don't want to leave the house. I'm not even overly bothered to wash my hair...unless I have people to see-which brings me back to not wanting to go out. I'm depressed and I don't want to make others worry...or infect them. I'm sure you've moved on...so I should do the same...but I can't. My mother just asked me if we were broken up (duh) and then she said 'It's not like he was serious anyway, he was just playing around'. I don't know how he felt or what he was doing-but I do know that I fell for him and even began to accept his flaws. Sure, some things really irritated or irked me but after seeing him each time I'd get on the bus home with a smile on my face and joyfully skip home. Now all these seemingly well laid plans need to be changed. Admittedly, I used to be childish when it came to dealing with change, although I'm far better at adapting now, yet I'd forgotten about unexpected change which is far worse. Buying furniture and the basics for your dorm, spending Christmas together, sharing a New years kiss, making your birthday gift, laughing at the overrated 'Valentines day', 1 year anniversary, going abroad together, spending a birthday with you, introducing you to my friends, going to university together...I can't accept that these things won't ever happen. Frequently I think back to all that happened during our relationship, and I realize that bit by bit I fell in love with someone who, quite literally, did not intend to catch me. Then I try scanning all these memories for even a glimpse of anything that would suggest that you loved me as much as I loved you-but they don't exist. When will I be able to love again like this? Bringing down every single reinforced barrier that I put up since I was 13? I have crazy, vivid visions where we end up at the same university. I discover that you were testing me and have been waiting for me all along, then miraculously, everything falls into place again. Could I love you again? Yes, I probably could...but that would mean reopening the wounds you left before and that's too painful for me...yet I can't imagine myself with anyone else but you. I miss you. I love you. Please let all these feelings subside...
On my own, pretending he's beside me |