Nothing Left Unsaid
Yours Truly
Her name is Sabrina, and she is probably one of the laziest and emotionally closed off people you will ever meet. Don't judge her for it; she's a lot smarter than you can imagine and is fiercely loyal to her true friends. A new graduate who majored in law and hoping to
Words speak
Posso farle.
"Ambition is a wonderful thing-it can drive you, it can exhaust you, but if you look at it in a positive way it can be very productive."-Steven McRae.
"I like to think that while striving to improve, it is important to acknowledge at every stage along the way, when you have achieved something."-Steven McRae.
Carpe diem.
Obiter Dicta
Exits
My YouTube Channel
Sofeee Tu~
Gar-wie Tran~
Ray-shell Le~
Kee-vin Choi~
Positively Present
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Friday, 27 November 2009 @ 12:02 am
I'm pretty sure if you've been friends with me for a while, there's been several times where the thought crossed your mind 'wow, you're spoilt' or 'you have it all' or 'you get everything you want'. Sure, I do get what I want usually.The thing is, I don't always. When I don't, I get annoyed. Spoilt eh? I won't deny it at all. At the same time, everything I own, I've been made to share it with those around me (namely my cousins and aunt in Hong Kong). So now maybe you're thinking 'oh, but you possess so much, why can't you share what you have?'. I'm simply just incapable. I'm easily jealous and I am spoilt. I have a Sony Ericsson S500i, I love my phone and I've had it since July 2007, and kept it in a fairly decent condition. I've had my eye on the Sony Ericsson Satio Bordeaux Red for a year or so, finally it was launched, initially in black and now in silver. Red? Non-existent it seems. I didn't mind waiting but I found a website that sells the phone. Admittedly, it's around £400, but it takes a while for me to grow out a phone anyway. My current phone has issues charging and switches off at random. I may just switch my phone off at some point so my mother can't contact me. Childish? No. Payback. It's not like I'm asking for a new phone every 6 months or so. It's been 2 and a half years! You'd think I was being reasonable. Obviously not. I very politely asked my mother today since she was very compliant, then today it's 'buy it yourself and save up!' I could raid my savings if you want me to mother dearest :) 'You earn £40 a week so just save up for 10 weeks!' I DON'T WANT TO WAIT 10 WEEKS. SHUT UP. I'VE WAITED A YEAR. I DON'T WANT ANOTHER 10 WEEKS YOU FREAK. I'd probably be less annoyed if she wasn't buying my cousins a phone each for their birthday. Why? One of them said the phone I gave her doesn't work. The other broke her own phone and broke her friends phone too. My aunt 'accidentally' blurted this to my mother. Apparently. So now they get a new phone. Is that what it takes to get a new phone? Breaking it? Furthermore, why do my cousins take priority over me? Why do I only get to go on holiday when they can and my mother has to pay for them and my aunt? Why does my mother pick comforting my cousin over the phone over driving me through the rain to my singing lesson? Why does my mothers will have half of her things given to my cousins and aunt? Why do they get so much more pity just because they don't have a father (nor do I)? Why am I third best when I'm her daughter? Why can't I go on holiday without them? Why do they get more/equal to what I have (all provided by my mother) when they're only her nieces? Why does she treat them so well when he sister calls me a slag, slut and accuses me of things? Why am I so insignificant to her? Materialistically, I have literally I could ever want. A computer, phone, iPod, guitar, piano, camera...(runs out of things to list). My cousins have all these things too. All bought for them from my mother. Not to mention a DS each. I have a gameboy colour that doesn't work. Not that I want a DS (this would corrupt my studies further) but at the same time, I could of kicked up a fuss and got one...simply for the fact that they have one. I don't. I just don't think I can resist being petty and calculating anymore. Do I really mean so little to my mother? My iPod is very old. My camera has problems (the fuzziness) but the thing is, I don't want to replace these things, they're still working (kind of). I can't wait to get my o2 money card. £1800 GO GO GO. I don't care anymore. She HAS money. She CAN spend it on me, but no. She chooses to spend it on THEM. Call me ungrateful, but I don't think that they're going to support her when they're older. They'll obviously look after their own mother. Why why why is my mother so stupid? She goes around lending money to untrustworthy people and then feels betrayed when they never return it. Instead of this teaching her to not lend money to others, she decides to take things out on me-as usual. She just came in. 'Have you renewed my road tax?!' 'WHY HAVEN'T YOU? Why did you just chuck it on your bed?!' 'Do you think you're ALLOWED to do that to my things?'. 'Did you get my card yet? Why not? Go get it!' Man, I'm not one for swearing but all my mind knew was: FUCK OFF. LEAVE ME ALONE. I DON'T WANT TO DO YOUR FUCKING ROAD TAX JUST LIKE YOU DON'T WANT TO BUY MY PHONE. SAVE UP AND FUCKING GET A FUCKING SECRETARY TO DO EVERYTHING. IF YOU WANT ME TO RENEW YOUR FUCKING ROAD TAX GET YOUR BLOODY CARD YOURSELF. Seriously. I'm going to crazy someday. Listening to Thursday. There's music playing Though we dance to the beat Of our own black hearts And draw diagrams Of suicide on each other's wrists Then trace them with razorblades. Ever wondered why I was emo? My mother's a damn good reason. 'You have to have a darkness...for the dawn to come'. I see this darkness so much. Will the dawn only come when I escape to university? I dream of escape...everyday. 'If you are going through hell, keep going'. Yeah, thanks Churchill. I really respect you as a politician so I'll take your word for it...but how much more hell do I have to be put through? PMT doesn't help my mood of course. One more thing. I want this bookcase when I do manage to get away. & have a fabulous house with a maid and an amazing husband. Not to mention a very successful career as a Queens Counsel. |